From
early childhood we are taught how to communicate with one another. The trait of being easy to converse with is
praised and highly sought after in both the private and professional
worlds. We learn what is appropriate to
say and when it is appropriate to say it and are taught to avoid that awkward
situation when no one is saying a word.
In a social setting, someone who can break that silence is a hero, the
life of the party, but during negotiations that person often loses.
The
silent treatment is one of the most powerful tools in negotiations…why? Because
the other party becomes uncomfortable and will sometimes do anything to end
that awkward moment, even giving concessions they had not planned on. I have faced this challenge myself and it has
proven difficult to overcome. Being an
extrovert I have never had a problem breaking the silence in a room and I
rarely have problems continuing a conversation, even when other may wish it
would end. However, it did not take too
many real estate negotiations to realize this is not always a good thing. I first learned I had to control my big
mouth while negotiating for a distressed property I planned to purchase, rehab,
and resell. After one round of
negotiations I expected to hear back from the other party. When I didn’t after several days I called
back. By the end of the conversation I
had come up several thousand dollars on my offer without even realizing
it. The next day I received another
counter offer, which I promptly countered myself. When several more days went by again, I
picked up the phone. By the end of the conversation I had given up several
concessions and upped my offer once again.
What was
going on? I was being beaten in two
ways. Not only were they silent in
opening negotiations, they were silent during negotiations…literally. On the phone they would say very little,
leaving me to do the talking. In fact,
it was similar to a scene out of Fight Club, me fighting my alter ego. Luckily for me, I became aware of this
problem, but only after my business partner pointed out my flaw. Luckily again, we did not put that property
under contract, which was a good thing considering we were beyond our
designated “max purchase price”.
Looking back, I realize the power I was giving the seller by appearing
desperate. By constantly initiating
conversation and changing my position, I was not winning the negotiation, nor
was I making the seller beat me…I was defeating myself. Knowing when to speak up and when to be
silent can be difficult, but overcoming the fear of awkward silence has been
the single greatest factor in my growth as a negotiator.
Learning
to utilize silence also taught me a much more important lesson, the
significance of self-awareness. Knowing
yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, and your quirks is essential to
increasing your success ceiling. Once
you know, you can make the necessary adjustments and use your traits to your
advantage. As GI Joe says “knowing is
half the battle”.
And for
those of you wondering, my wife just told me she has not noticed my newly
discovered ability to be silent…I did not reply. Winning!
James W.
Vermillion III
www.kandvinvesting.com
